On Transience

Liz: I did love you, Stephen. 
Stephen: I know. But I still love you. 
Liz: So, love me. 
Stephen: But I miss you. 
Liz : So, miss me. Send me love and light every time you think of me... Then drop it. It won't last forever. Nothing does. 


My favorite scene in Eat, Pray, Love. It says more about how I've been feeling for the past months (or years) than any other scene in this movie... or any movie that I know, for that matter.

It doesn't mean I'm closing myself from relationships altogether. It's just that... I have come to accept that change is inevitable.

"It is an eternal cycle in which matter moves, a cycle that certainly only completes its orbit in periods of time for which our terrestrial year is no adequate measure, a cycle in which the time of highest development, the time of organic life and still more that of the life of being conscious of nature and of themselves, is just as narrowly restricted as the space in which life and self-consciousness come into operation. A cycle in which every finite mode of existence of matter, whether it be sun or nebular vapour, single animal or genus of animals, chemical combination or dissociation, is equally transient, and wherein nothing is eternal but eternally changing, eternally moving matter and the laws according to which it moves and changes." - Fredrick Engels 

Simply put, everything is bound to cease to exist, and we are all bound to move on. The real trap is getting attached to it. Attachment makes it difficult for us to move on. We can't move on because we don't want to.   The moment we accept that all things are transient, we move on -- and we must accept because transience is just how life goes.

Drop it. It won't last forever. Nothing does.

On Thesising and Suicide

This whole thesis experience, the ultimate nemesis any undergraduate student can have, has given me hell so far. For the past weeks, I think I have had the most number of cups of coffee, cigarettes and food in a day, and the least sleep EVER. Add some more papers to write, 9gag, Facebook, Twitter, cold weather, procrastination and what-nots in between -- TADAH, you just got the perfect mix for suicide. And must I say, it is more effective, painful and excruciating than any other means of suicide.

I'm dying. I'll write about this again when I'm sane enough to think of coherent and sensible things to say.

On Email Addresses and Relationships

A newly-wed friend posted a picture of her new business card with her new name on it. Someone commented she should change her email address as well.


It reminded me how convenient my email address is because it doesn't carry my family name, so when I get married, I won't have to change it.

But then... I remembered how I feel I'm supposed to be alone my whole life. I don't intend to get married at all, let alone be committed to anyone in the bourgeois sense of it. My past relationships made me realize how I'm not fit to be anyone's significant other (or other half, girlfriend, or however it is called), at least at the moment. I have so much to change about myself and my views in "romantic" relationships; in fact, I have so much to change about myself, period. I don't want anyone suffering while I struggle to get rid of the monster in me. A proletariat relationship, I'm actually considering. But honestly, I don't know. I don't want to think about it yet. For now, I want to be independent and unattached to anyone but the mass. I don't need a man to be happy. I don't want to be the damsel in distress, because I am not. I don't need a prince charming nor a knight in shining armor to save me... or something like that.

Anyway, I'm just glad I like my given name so much I had to use it as my email address. #labolang

On Futile Attempts to Go Back

It's been 8 years since I started blogging. I've had tons of blogs, and for some time, I was able to maintain a few, but all of it ended up with nothing. So here I am, after so many attempts to go back to the blogosphere, with my game-face on, seriously and devotedly blogging again.

..or not.